Monday, June 8, 2009

10 reasons why Danes should convert to Mormonism ;)

  1. Adherents: Danes about 6 million, Mormons about 13 million
  2. Latitude: Danes 56, Mormons 40
  3. Hours of sunshine per year: Danes 1496, Mormons 2300[1]
  4. Annual precipitation: Danes 712 mm, mostly as freezing rain; Mormons 419 mm, mostly as 1500 mm fresh powder[2]
  5. Tax: Mormons voluntary tithe, 10%; Danes compulsory income tax, total easily over 65%, plus 25% VAT, plus 180% tax on cars[3]
  6. Largest church: Aahrhus Cathedral, seats 1200; Mormon Tabernacle seats 8000[4]
  7. Celebrities: Danes H.C. Andersen; Mormons Gladys Knight, Christina Aguilera, Alice Cooper, Tom Hanks, Jewel, the Osmonds, Orson Scott Card...[5]
  8. Fertility rate: Mormons about 93, Danes about 59[6]
  9. Closest ski area to capital: Danes Isaberg, 3 hours[7], vertical drop 300', 10 runs. Mormons, Solitude Mountain, 20 minutes, vertical drop 2047', 64 runs
  10. The poor, meek and downtrodden among Mormons believe they will rule in Heaven, while the poor, meek and downtrodden Danes believe they are in the middle class.
Note: I have no past or present affiliation with Mormonism or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

[1]Phoenix, AZ gets about 4000 hours of sunshine a year
[2]Far more snow falls in the mountains
[3]This 180% "registration fee" is also paid on the VAT
[4]This number includes the world-famous choir of 360
[5]Celebrities reported to have present or past Mormon ties
[6]Births per 1000 women. Over 30% of 19-year-old men in Denmark have subfertile sperm counts
[7]Not including the ¾-hour ferry ride to Sweden. No part of Denmark is higher than 600'.

1 comment:

elfridabeetle said...

You are brilliant. I am about to read everything you write about Denmark.